Your Week in Seriously Times: Apr. 15 – 21, 2012

Kids say the fuckingest things.

Zombie prep, handcuffed kids, sleeping babies, and sex robots … It’s not the next The Next Phillip K. Dick novelist, but this week’s SeriouslyGuys posts. Here’s the recap:

  • Handcuffs on kids may seem cruel and unusual, but name a better way to keep them from picking their noses. (Apr. 17, 2012)
  • Never wake a sleeping baby. Unless, you know, you’re insane. (Apr. 18, 2012)
  • Take it from Snee: Could you survive the gauntlet that is our federal court system? Find out in the dramatic conclusion to my three-part series, Explaining the U.S. Branches of Government to Foreigners and Children. This week: it’s the judicial branch! (Apr. 18, 2012)

*This and many more statistics brought to you by My Ass. My Ass: because what goes into my head must come out somewhere.

Explaining the U.S. Branches of Government to Foreigners, Children (Part 3)

The silver change buys Coke cans for Justice Clarence Thomas to rest his pubes on.

Greetings, non-citizens and/or future voters! As you may recall, I recently explained to (at, whatever) foreigners and children how the United States’ political parties work. Since that was a rousing success – mostly because neither of you have command of my language to voice your objections – I’ve been tapped to now explain the three branches of our government.

The three branches are the executive, legislative and judicial branches. These were delineated all the way back in 1789, when a group of self-selected landowners (mostly lawyers) met to secretly and kind of/sort of illegally overhaul our existing government as outlined in the Articles of Confederation. This was the now legal framing of our famed Constitution. Maybe you’ve seen it in your tour through Ron Paul’s breast pocket?

To reflect this spirit of open contempt towards our law of the land, they intentionally set up a lawyer-driven three-way deathmatch between three equal branches. This cage fight is called “checks and balances,” which was based on the use of elbows and fleet footwork in Senate-floor cane brawls.

Because of the amount of information involved, and because every element of our government is ripe for jokes, I’ve divided this into a three part series. Previous installments covered the executive and legislative branches. This week, we wrap the whole shebang up with the judicial branch.

Read the rest at either:

Take it from Snee: Explaining U.S. branches of government to foreigners, children (Part 3) | SeriouslyGuys

Explaining the U.S. Branches of Government to Foreigners, Children (Part 3) | HumorOutcasts