Your Week in Seriously Times: Sept. 16 – 22, 2012

Jesus Christ! Superstarrrr! Do ye think ye be what they say ye arrrrr?

Values voters, spiders, Mrs. of Nazareth, pirate medicine, Toddler Wine, and ageless hobbits — it’s not Kevin J. Anderson’s planned Lord of the Rings sequel, but this week’s topics on SeriouslyGuys. Here’s the recap:

  • Rick Santorum reminds “economic conservative and libertarian types” that they’re not “elite, smart people.” (His words, not mine.) Something about the company they keep that sets the platform they vote for. (Sept. 17, 2012)
  • Guam swallowed snakes to get the birds, swallowed the birds to get the spiders — that wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her(Sept. 18, 2012)
  • Jesus may have had a wife. He doesn’t mention her parents, though, who wanted her to marry a doctor, not a carpenter. Bonus: it be Talk like a Pirate Day! (Sept. 19, 2012)
  • Ask Dr. Snee: We get to the bottom of several vexin’ pirate medical myths. Do ye have enough rum in yer first aid kit, mateys? (Sept. 19, 2012)
  • Moms know that the easiest way to get to know their kids is over a drink. The Guys are here to help … by launching our sequel to Baby Merlot: Toddler Wine. (Sept. 20, 2012)
  • J.R.R. Tolkein’s The Hobbit turned 75 this week and owes its continued relevance to hungover 6th grade teachers that managed to sign out an A/V cart before napping out. (Sept. 21, 20120)

Your Week in Seriously Times: Feb. 26 – Mar. 3, 2012

Legos, Jesus fish, the Goddamn Bat Flu, Lent, Nazis, and T. Rexes — if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear this week was life trying to outdo all the crap that won Oscars on Sunday. Here’s the recap:

  • One Japanese astronaut is trying to turn the International Space Station into one of those Russian nesting dolls. Much like Putin’s pre-planned election results, it just seems like the Ruskies aren’t even trying to be devious any more. (Feb. 27, 2012)
  • Even in the earliest days of Christianity, they couldn’t help advertising their faith on the most expensive thing they owned. (Feb. 28, 2012)
  • ♬ Dunna-nunna-nunna-nunna, dunna-nunna-nunna-nunna BAT FLU!(Feb. 29, 2012)
  • Take it from Snee: Lent is a valuable time to explore your own faith and connect with God in a meaningful way … but, what if we got to apply it to others? (Feb. 29, 2012)
  • Just in case you were worried things were getting better, we found some racists either wielding authority or seeking it in the U.S. Now, don’t you feel better? (Mar. 1, 2012)

Sharing Lent with Others

If you’re of the Catholic persuasion, then you know that we are one week deep into Lent.

For everyone else: every year, shortly after Valentine’s Day, the Almighty decides that he’s tired of putting in all the work into this relationship — including that freaky four-way with his son and a ghost we asked for. After Mardis Gras, God sobers up and turns into the princess from A Knight’s Tale and asks us to prove our love by giving up something we love for 40 days.

I, for instance, gave up the slide whistle this year, which means 40 days of stern erections: a price my wife will just have to pay. In prior years, I’ve given up monologuing in the shower, checking my tissues for productive noseblowings and Chalupas because

  1. It has to be something difficult to live without. (I ate nothing but Gorditos in 1998 to keep to my non-Chalupa agreement.)
  2. It can’t be a repeat.

But, you don’t have to be Catholic to participate. In fact, Muslims have their own version, Ramadan, while Evangelical Protestants swear off of gay sex for their entire lives — which often leads to failure for extending it beyond the Lent season.

It is in this Christian spirit that I’ve prescribed some Lent suggestions to others. Who knows? Maybe it will change their lives permanently for the better.

Who got Lent recommendations, and for what? Read the rest at either:

Your Week in Seriously Times: Jan. 1 – 7, 2012

Ritalin, gelatinous mice, Iowans, Stephen Hawking, and confused fish — what do they have in common? They were all the rage the first week of 2012. Here’s the recap:

  • The nation is running out of Ritalin and Adderall, which spells bad news for “sit quietly at your desk and reflect” lesson plans. One result: U.S. Youth Soccer Associations predict they will run out of red and yellow cards by March. (Jan. 2, 2012)
  • If that pet snake you got for Christmas died and you don’t know what to do with the rest of its feeding mice, crack open a Mountain Dew. (Jan. 3, 2012)
  • Iowans reenacted the first election, replete with paper ballots and anti-science values. Find out who won and who will spend the rest of their careers on Fox News. (Jan. 4, 2012)