Your Week in Seriously Times: Mar. 18 – 24, 2012

*ksht* No, what does MINE say? Over. *ksht*

Viking mice, skinny models, coregasms, space madness, and pot unions — believe it or not, this is not Warren Ellis dot Com. To the contrary, they are the topics of this week’s posts on SeriouslyGuys. Here’s the recap:

  • When next the Viking mice arrive, worry not, for some German descendant of the Vandals will crush them while holding a camera. (Mar. 19, 2012)
  • Israel throws a sandwich into our plan to keep breeding beautiful skinny people until they evolve into coat hangers. The end result of our breeding program? The Kwisatz Hatrack. (Mar. 20, 2012)
  • Now we know why men aren’t allowed into Curves: you can’t hear your music over all those mind-bending orgasms the women keep having. (Mar. 21, 2012)
  • Ask Dr. Snee: The doctor is back, and he’s answering spring-related letters from dieters, allergy sufferers, and the patient who broke his heart. (Mar. 21, 2012)
  • If you thought Ashton Kutcher was already insufferable, just wait until he comes back to Earth with Fantastic Four powers. Please, let it be orange rock. Please. (Mar. 22, 2012)
  • Medical marijuana dispensers have started unionizing. Looks like Kevin Smith was on(to) something in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. (Mar. 23, 2012)

Ask Dr. Snee: Spring is All Up in Us

And the quickest way to looking fly? Flies.

Hello, Internet patients.

It’s been a while since I’ve answered your letters, but that’s because I’ve been furiously working out for bikini season. As we say in the medical community, you get more fly with honey smeared on washboard abs than on body hair and love handles.

But, even though it’s also vasectomy season, I’m taking a timeout from my brackets to answer your springtime letters about losing weight, sinus infections, and love

Read this visit’s letters at either:

Your Week in Seriously Times: Feb. 5 – 11, 2012

I also appointed my Supreme Court Dream Team: Florida Judge John Hurley as Chief Justice and eight clones of Judge Hurley.

The finger, blood clots, spanking, court-ordered dates, lying doctors, and bullet-ridden laptops; it looks like everybody had it in for you this week. Here’s the recap if you survived:

  • You know the culture war’s over when the PTC focuses on an errant finger in the middle of the most gay-friendly Super Bowl halftime show since Up With People. (Feb. 6, 2012)
  • Just when you think the airline industry has cut out all complimentary services in coach, they find one more to take away: blood clots. (Feb.7, 2012)
  • Canadian scientists discover kids are like a faulty television: smacking it may fix undesirable behavior in the short term, maybe even knock some dust off, but your Samsung is still broken and probably even more so now. (Feb. 8, 2012)
  • Take it from Snee: Red Lobster got just about the worst endorsement it never asked for. (Feb. 8, 2012)
  • A dad shoots his teenage daughter’s laptop after she posts mean things about him on Facebook so that she’ll never do it again. In other news, the MPAA believes they’ve finally licked their Internet piracy problem. (Feb. 10, 2012)

*Joke credit goes to online compadre, Abel Undercity.