Your Week in Seriously Times: Jan. 15 – 22, 2012

Bald Barbies, dead pedestrians, Turkey, porn and poo — is it any wonder that 20 percent of us are a little (5 percent, very) crazy? Here’s the recap from SeriouslyGuys this week:

  • Sure, a bald cancer Barbie might be cheaper by cutting out hair production. But, how much do you think a pink Malibu Dream MRI Machine is gonna cost? (Jan. 16, 2012)
  • Hip-hop has moved on from killing rappers. Now it’s killing listeners. I would’ve made a joke about rock n’ roll suicides, but nobody’s gonna miss the rock artists that survived heroin and the ’90s. (Jan. 17, 2012)
  • Knowing he already planned to drop out of the race at the end of the week, Rick Perry decided to get in a few shots at Turkey before slipping into obscurity. (Jan. 18, 2012)
  • America the Institutional: The New York Department of Health believes 12 teenage girls at a high school outside of Buffalo are suffering mass hysteria, and yes, they’ve already ruled out their periods. Meanwhile, an annual national survey says 20 percent of Americans are a little crazy, while 5 percent of us killed and ate our surveyors. And then take CNN’s new quiz to determine if your boss is a psychopath. It’s only up for a limited time before the next CNN Girl quiz is posted. (Jan. 20, 2012)

Your Week in Seriously Times: Jan. 1 – 7, 2012

Ritalin, gelatinous mice, Iowans, Stephen Hawking, and confused fish — what do they have in common? They were all the rage the first week of 2012. Here’s the recap:

  • The nation is running out of Ritalin and Adderall, which spells bad news for “sit quietly at your desk and reflect” lesson plans. One result: U.S. Youth Soccer Associations predict they will run out of red and yellow cards by March. (Jan. 2, 2012)
  • If that pet snake you got for Christmas died and you don’t know what to do with the rest of its feeding mice, crack open a Mountain Dew. (Jan. 3, 2012)
  • Iowans reenacted the first election, replete with paper ballots and anti-science values. Find out who won and who will spend the rest of their careers on Fox News. (Jan. 4, 2012)

Your Week in Seriously Times: Dec. 18 – 24, 2011

The Guys cut the week short so we could spend some time with our families and develop more material based on them. So, if you’re bored with your perfect family, here’s my gift to you: Newt, frankincense, and sperm … or, the week in review.

  • It’s hard to say exactly why Newt Gingrich is starting to flag a little, although there are many reasons going to school instead of building iPads or mopping up. Maybe people remember the 1990s better than their ’90s parties indicate. (Dec. 19, 2011)
  • This guy found a way to pay for porn and make it tax deductible. Fortunately, the FDA is there to squash that dream. (Dec. 20, 2011)
  • We’re here to kick ass and chew frankincense, and we’re all out of frankincense. (Looks like Jesus is gonna have to settle for a gift card to Kohls this year.) (Dec. 21, 2011)

Your Week in Seriously Times: Dec. 11 – 17, 2011

Boobies, neckties, porn, sad cookie disease, and Newt Gingrich’s “Lil’ Lincoln Monument” — it’s all in this week’s SeriouslyGuys recap:

  • Thinking of killing yourself after that big break-up? Try raw cookie dough. Or, just drink a lot and have unprotected sex with the batter. (Dec. 13, 2011)
  • The University of Kansas is aware of its draw to pornographers and has nipped that officially in the bud … which never backfires when it comes to the Internet. (Dec. 14, 2011)