Your Week in Seriously Times: Sept. 30 – Oct. 6, 2012

The Seriously Times: now delivering.

Sexy Boy Scouts, missionary Republicans, aging rockers, and, oh, the huge manatees! Is it Spocktober? Why, yes. Yes, it is. Let the Amok Time begin! Here’s the recap:

  • The Boy Scouts of America takes a courageous stand against fucking kids. After covering for the pederasts for the past 30 – 40 years. (Oct. 1, 2012)
  • Alabama Republicans figure that if there’s one way to endear voters to your party, it’s by harassing them door-to-door. (Oct. 2, 2012)
  • Take it from Snee: Green Day pulls the “Don’t you know who I am?!” card instead of playing the final minute of their set. Justin Bieber throws up twice on stage and doesn’t stop his show. Conclusion: the gods of punk are fickle, indeed. (Oct. 3, 2012)
  • Hey, you! No, the other chick on top of a manatee. Yeah, you! (Oct. 5, 2012)

Your Week in Seriously Times: Sept. 16 – 22, 2012

Jesus Christ! Superstarrrr! Do ye think ye be what they say ye arrrrr?

Values voters, spiders, Mrs. of Nazareth, pirate medicine, Toddler Wine, and ageless hobbits — it’s not Kevin J. Anderson’s planned Lord of the Rings sequel, but this week’s topics on SeriouslyGuys. Here’s the recap:

  • Rick Santorum reminds “economic conservative and libertarian types” that they’re not “elite, smart people.” (His words, not mine.) Something about the company they keep that sets the platform they vote for. (Sept. 17, 2012)
  • Guam swallowed snakes to get the birds, swallowed the birds to get the spiders — that wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her(Sept. 18, 2012)
  • Jesus may have had a wife. He doesn’t mention her parents, though, who wanted her to marry a doctor, not a carpenter. Bonus: it be Talk like a Pirate Day! (Sept. 19, 2012)
  • Ask Dr. Snee: We get to the bottom of several vexin’ pirate medical myths. Do ye have enough rum in yer first aid kit, mateys? (Sept. 19, 2012)
  • Moms know that the easiest way to get to know their kids is over a drink. The Guys are here to help … by launching our sequel to Baby Merlot: Toddler Wine. (Sept. 20, 2012)
  • J.R.R. Tolkein’s The Hobbit turned 75 this week and owes its continued relevance to hungover 6th grade teachers that managed to sign out an A/V cart before napping out. (Sept. 21, 20120)

Your Week in Seriously Times: Jun. 3 – 9, 2012

Pot moms, junk food, AIDS, fat heads, and abortion — chances are good that my first week back at SeriouslyGuys will offend somebody. Here’s the recap:

  • Disney announced they will market less junk food to children on their channels. That doesn’t mean, however, that you’ll be able to leave the couch in the middle of a Boy Meets World marathon to exercise. (Jun. 6, 20102)
  • Ask Dr. Snee: The slow summer news media season opens, which means it’s time to crap our pants over the next “New AIDS.” (Jun. 6, 2012)
  • White people are fatheads. You can’t argue with that; it’s science. (Jun. 7, 2012)
  • A Republican Congressman from Alabama earns his wings by attaching an anti-abortion measure to a Homeland Security spending bill. Your government, can you feel it getting smaller? (Jun. 8, 2012)