Your Week in Seriously Times: Apr. 1 – 7, 2012

You're gonna have to wu those ladies, male pandas. (Don't worry, I regret typing that as much as you do reading it.)

Asteroids, cavity searches, naughty sheriffs, panda sex, and ghost pirates — why no, I’m not developing the greatest video game ever. These are just the topics of this week’s SeriouslyGuys posts. Here’s the recap:

  • Take it from Snee: I postpone writer’s block for the rest of the month by launching a three-part series, Explaining the U.S. Branches of Government to Foreigners and Children. This week is part one: the executive branch! (Apr. 4, 2012)
  • The U.S. Coast Guard sank a ghost ship off the coast of Alaska. Next up: demolishing that abandoned theme park on the edge of town. Your days of pussyfooting around are over, Mystery Machine. (Apr. 6, 2012)

Explaining the U.S. Branches of Government to Foreigners, Children (Part 1)

This and many more behind-the-scenes glimpses in this breakdown of the executive branch.

Greetings, non-citizens and/or future voters! As you may recall, I recently explained to (at, whatever) foreigners and children how the United States’ political parties work. Since that was a rousing success – mostly because neither of you have command of my language to voice your objections – I’ve been tapped to now explain the three branches of our government.

The three branches are the executive, legislative and judicial branches. These were delineated all the way back in 1789, when a group of self-selected landowners (mostly lawyers) met to secretly and kind of/sort of illegally overhaul our existing government as outlined in the Articles of Confederation. This was the now legal framing of our famed Constitution. Perhaps you’ve seen it on your tour of Ron Paul’s breast pocket?

To reflect this spirit of open contempt towards our law of the land, they intentionally set up a lawyer-driven three-way deathmatch between three equal branches. This cage fight is called “checks and balances,” which was based on the use of elbows and fleet footwork in Senate-floor cane brawls.

Because of the amount of information involved, and because every element of our government is ripe for jokes, I’ve divided this into a three part series. This week, it’s the executive branch.

Read more at either: