Your Week in Seriously Times: Jun. 3 – 9, 2012

Pot moms, junk food, AIDS, fat heads, and abortion — chances are good that my first week back at SeriouslyGuys will offend somebody. Here’s the recap:

  • Disney announced they will market less junk food to children on their channels. That doesn’t mean, however, that you’ll be able to leave the couch in the middle of a Boy Meets World marathon to exercise. (Jun. 6, 20102)
  • Ask Dr. Snee: The slow summer news media season opens, which means it’s time to crap our pants over the next “New AIDS.” (Jun. 6, 2012)
  • White people are fatheads. You can’t argue with that; it’s science. (Jun. 7, 2012)
  • A Republican Congressman from Alabama earns his wings by attaching an anti-abortion measure to a Homeland Security spending bill. Your government, can you feel it getting smaller? (Jun. 8, 2012)

Your Week in Seriously Times: Apr. 8 – 14, 2012

More rogue kids, nail polish, killer bees, and guns … They’re not tools in an experimental self-defense class, but the topics of this week’s SeriouslyGuys posts. Here’s the recap:

  • Maybe it was a mistake to start up an all-kids police force, but, dammit … those out-of-control dynamos get action-packed results. (Apr. 10, 2012)
  • Take it from Snee: It’s part two, The Empire Strikes Back of my trilogy to explain the U.S. branches of government to foreigners and children. This week: the legislature strikes back! (Apr. 11, 2012)
  • Time travel is bad. But, killer bees are also bad. Are you a bad enough dude to time travel back to 1957 and cold-cock Warwick Kerr? (Apr. 12, 2012)
  • Movies I’ve Sneen: Chugs was out this week, presumably in rehab to overcome his nail polish addiction. (He is weak to need help with his illness, but so strong for admitting it.) So, I filled in with my review of Disney’s John Carter. (Apr. 12, 2012)

Explaining the U.S. Branches of Government to Foreigners, Children (Part 2)

Oh, and one comedian.

Greetings, non-citizens and/or future voters! As you may recall, I recently explained to (at, whatever) foreigners and children how the United States’ political parties work. Since that was a rousing success – mostly because neither of you have command of my language to voice your objections – I’ve been tapped to now explain the three branches of our government.

The three branches are the executive, legislative and judicial branches. These were delineated all the way back in 1789, when a group of self-selected landowners (mostly lawyers) met to secretly and kind of/sort of illegally overhaul our existing government as outlined in the Articles of Confederation. This was the now legal framing of our famed Constitution. Maybe you’ve seen it in your tour through Ron Paul’s breast pocket?

To reflect this spirit of open contempt towards our law of the land, they intentionally set up a lawyer-driven three-way deathmatch between three equal branches. This cage fight is called “checks and balances,” which was based on the use of elbows and fleet footwork in Senate-floor cane brawls.

Because of the amount of information involved, and because every element of our government is ripe for jokes, I’ve divided this into a three part series. Last week, I explained the executive branch. This week, it’s the legislative branch.

Read more at either:

Your Week in Seriously Times: Mar. 25 – 31, 2012

Even when *you* get the bear, instead of vice versa, how does that not translate into a maulin'?

Hummingbirds, enemies, teen girls, cougars, and astronauts — put them all together and you get one deliciously sexy naughty dream. Also, they pretty much sum up this week on SeriouslyGuys. Here’s the recap:

  • Plants: as if it wasn’t bad enough that we’re coughing up their semen for the next month or so, it turns out they also do the nasty with animals. One natural gas well has had enough of their lurid behavior. (Mar. 26, 2012)
  • A new Facebook app lets you declare your friends as enemies. You can’t add frenemies, though, so “it’s complicated” will have to suffice. (Mar. 27, 2012)
  • Take it from Snee: Whether you have employees, kids, or students, you get the chance to throw your weight around. But, what’s left to boss around when you don’t have any of those? (Mar. 28, 2012)