Your Week in Seriously Times: Jul. 15 – 21, 2012

And you thought Church of England has tough choices.

Bad teeth, polio, flip-flops, gay Boy Scouts, mermaids, and Gen X — a good friend would buy me something off this list for my birthday. Also, they’re this week’s SeriouslyGuys topics. Here’s the recap:

  • Either BPA that may or may not have been in fillings (it wasn’t measured) casues bad behavior, or kids who don’t brush their teeth have problems. Guess we’ll never know. (Jul. 16, 2012)
  • One is OK with killing children by advocating against vaccines, and the other is also the Taliban. (Jul. 17, 2012)
  • Flip-flops ruin your feet in more ways besides whale tail tan lines. (Jul. 18, 2012)
  • Take it from Snee: The Boy Scouts know something sinister about these woods, and that’s why gays can’t come camping. It’s certainly not because they’re homophobes, and how dare you for suggesting it. (Jul. 18, 2012)
  • Discovery Channel is about to become the Network Who Cried “Mermaid.” (Jul.19, 2012)
  • Gen-X used to be into global warming … until it got all commercial and sold out. (Jul. 20, 2012)

Boy Scouts’ Gay Ban Protects Boys

I know, I know. We now live in a country where gay men and women can openly serve in the military, but gays still can’t join the Boy Scouts. To you, it makes no sense. The Boy Scouts are like the military without the threat of imminent death that made homosexuality such a hazard in combat, so what’s the big deal?

The deal is that Boy Scouts may not face threats in the form of IEDs and RPGs, but they are threatened with something just as terrible if not worse. As a former scout, I know that BSA leadership didn’t just make an arbitrary rule because gay sex is icky. It’s just, well, my Scoutmaster made me promise not to talk about it.

Fine, I’ll tell you the real reason why the Boy Scouts upheld their ban on gay scouts and leaders, but you can’t tell anyone. After all, if you can’t trust the Internet to keep a secret, who can you trust? Continue reading Boy Scouts’ Gay Ban Protects Boys

Your Week in Seriously Times: Jun. 3 – 9, 2012

Pot moms, junk food, AIDS, fat heads, and abortion — chances are good that my first week back at SeriouslyGuys will offend somebody. Here’s the recap:

  • Disney announced they will market less junk food to children on their channels. That doesn’t mean, however, that you’ll be able to leave the couch in the middle of a Boy Meets World marathon to exercise. (Jun. 6, 20102)
  • Ask Dr. Snee: The slow summer news media season opens, which means it’s time to crap our pants over the next “New AIDS.” (Jun. 6, 2012)
  • White people are fatheads. You can’t argue with that; it’s science. (Jun. 7, 2012)
  • A Republican Congressman from Alabama earns his wings by attaching an anti-abortion measure to a Homeland Security spending bill. Your government, can you feel it getting smaller? (Jun. 8, 2012)

Your Week in Seriously Times: Apr. 22 – 28, 2012

OK, so this is a few days late. As I warned before, updates are going to be much slower until I’m settled into my new environs, much like a newly-arrived panda stud at the National Zoo. Better late than never, unlike Ling-Ling’s period.

Wounded ladies, dead zookeepers, and cracking potheads — I might have worked out some frustrations this week on SeriouslyGuys. Here’s the recap:

  • It looks like the Dutch tourist industry just went to pot. (Apr. 27, 2012)

Your Week in Seriously Times: Mar. 18 – 24, 2012

*ksht* No, what does MINE say? Over. *ksht*

Viking mice, skinny models, coregasms, space madness, and pot unions — believe it or not, this is not Warren Ellis dot Com. To the contrary, they are the topics of this week’s posts on SeriouslyGuys. Here’s the recap:

  • When next the Viking mice arrive, worry not, for some German descendant of the Vandals will crush them while holding a camera. (Mar. 19, 2012)
  • Israel throws a sandwich into our plan to keep breeding beautiful skinny people until they evolve into coat hangers. The end result of our breeding program? The Kwisatz Hatrack. (Mar. 20, 2012)
  • Now we know why men aren’t allowed into Curves: you can’t hear your music over all those mind-bending orgasms the women keep having. (Mar. 21, 2012)
  • Ask Dr. Snee: The doctor is back, and he’s answering spring-related letters from dieters, allergy sufferers, and the patient who broke his heart. (Mar. 21, 2012)
  • If you thought Ashton Kutcher was already insufferable, just wait until he comes back to Earth with Fantastic Four powers. Please, let it be orange rock. Please. (Mar. 22, 2012)
  • Medical marijuana dispensers have started unionizing. Looks like Kevin Smith was on(to) something in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. (Mar. 23, 2012)