Your Week in Seriously Times: Jun. 3 – 9, 2012

Pot moms, junk food, AIDS, fat heads, and abortion — chances are good that my first week back at SeriouslyGuys will offend somebody. Here’s the recap:

  • Disney announced they will market less junk food to children on their channels. That doesn’t mean, however, that you’ll be able to leave the couch in the middle of a Boy Meets World marathon to exercise. (Jun. 6, 20102)
  • Ask Dr. Snee: The slow summer news media season opens, which means it’s time to crap our pants over the next “New AIDS.” (Jun. 6, 2012)
  • White people are fatheads. You can’t argue with that; it’s science. (Jun. 7, 2012)
  • A Republican Congressman from Alabama earns his wings by attaching an anti-abortion measure to a Homeland Security spending bill. Your government, can you feel it getting smaller? (Jun. 8, 2012)

Your Week in Seriously Times: Feb. 19 – 25, 2012

Yogis suggest belly-twisting beforehand to wring the toxins out for more productive spitting.

Soccer sucking, magma, spitting, women, booze, and Chuck Norris — What? No, I didn’t go CPAC. Those are just the topics from my SeriouslyGuys posts this week. Here’s the recap:

  • How long do you have to stick with something before you know it sucks? It took one Australian soccer team owner four years. (Feb. 20, 2012)
  • If you ever wondered why astronauts take long, jumping strides on the moon, it’s because THE FLOOR IS LAVA! (Feb. 21, 2012)
  • How to know your beer glass is clean, and what’s an age-appropriate designated driver in what may be the beginning of a new series: I can’t drink it for you. (Feb. 23, 2012)

Women are still mysterious

A little over a month ago, I began investigating the enigmas that are women — these eniginas, if you will — after learning that Stephen Hawking is wasting valuable research time thinking about them. (Get back to your black holes, sir. You study cosmology, not Cosmo.)

Well, it looks like my investigation has attracted the notice of Republican state and federal legislators, who — like Professor Hawking — often have a problem with wasting time on this issue. I’ll admit that my sources are lacking when it comes to the pull of congressional committees as I don’t have the power to summon religious leaders to answer my questions.

Is this how mysterious women have become, that when science fails, we must turn to our culturally relevant mythologies (not this year, Zeus) to finally figure out what makes ladies tick? The answer is, yes, short of asking women, this is the only way to solve the further mysteries of women. Mysteries like …

Mysteries like? Read the rest at either:

Your Week in Seriously Times: Dec. 11 – 17, 2011

Boobies, neckties, porn, sad cookie disease, and Newt Gingrich’s “Lil’ Lincoln Monument” — it’s all in this week’s SeriouslyGuys recap:

  • Thinking of killing yourself after that big break-up? Try raw cookie dough. Or, just drink a lot and have unprotected sex with the batter. (Dec. 13, 2011)
  • The University of Kansas is aware of its draw to pornographers and has nipped that officially in the bud … which never backfires when it comes to the Internet. (Dec. 14, 2011)