George Lucas, who had always listed Red Tails as his “next” project as far back as 1988 (so since Willow), claims that he could never get a studio to back an almost entirely black cast in a World War II film. Meanwhile, Fox had no problem pouring an estimated $343 million into each successfully dismal Star Wars prequel. It took his own money to finally put a film on the big screen where these larger-then-life heroes belong.

Written by John Ridley (Undercover Brother and the most excellent Three Kings) and Boondocks creator Aaron McGruder, Red Tails takes a very different storytelling path than the 1995 HBO TV movie, The Tuskegee Airmen. While Tuskegee used an ensemble cast — including Lawrence “Cowboy Larry” Fishburne, Malcolm Jamal-Warner, and John Lithgow — to focus more on the drama of racism in the 1940s and historical context, Red Tails was not hindered by small-screen and budgetary restraints.

Sidenote: Both movies cast Cuba Gooding, Jr., who received a promotion in the latter film to Major and second in command of the 332d. Terrence Howard received a similar promotion to Colonel and group leader, having played a Tuskegee Airman in 2002′s Hart’s War.

Case in point: one of the licensed posters.

Instead, this is an action movie, written as a live-action comic book. This makes for an entertaining movie, but also provides much of the flak (heh) for critics because comic book writing means comic book dialog — which in this attempt is often hokey and melodramatic. Racism is still a central part of the plot, but Red Tails‘ comics sensibility means that this is often settled in the air with machine guns or in a barroom brawl.

This latter example leads directly to one of my own quibbles. When Joe “Lightning” Little (David Oyelowo) finds himself unwelcome in a whites-only Officers’ Club, he punches out a white flyer who calls him a word beginning in “n” that doesn’t end in “egro.” Lightning is immediately swarmed by other white officers … and is next seen uninjured in a jail cell. At my most optimistic, I can only assume that either a) those white officers were all talk with their racism, or b) he was in that cell long enough to heal broken ribs.

The movie also under-delivers on a point of establishing pathos for a supporting cast member, Michael B. Jordan’s character Maurice Wilson. Maurice arrives at the air group late to find that his friends have all died and is jokingly chastised as bad luck and is then pretty much absent for at least an hour. His nose art helpfully identifies him at the beginning of the final battle as “Your pilot for today is Maurice,” to which the audience can only reply, “Who?” before (Spoiler Alert) he’s shot down by German jet fighters.

Red Tails succeeds in its visual effects, though. World War II aerial combat hasn’t looked this good since Return of the Jedi, which is precisely why I’ve eagerly awaited Lucasfilm’s production of this movie for so long. Even most of the classics of the genre like Memphis Belle deal almost entirely in static shots of bombers, and though strategic bombing was the key to aerial victory in WWII, it wouldn’t be possible without dynamic escort fighters. In this sense, Red Tails both completes this story and delivers it with acrobatics.

Another strength of this movie is its cast. David Oyelowo soars in his aforementioned role as hotshot Lightning, and his chemistry with Italian girl, Sofia (Daniela Ruah), is smoldering, even if the relationship is strangely unmarred by racism in an only recently post-Mussolini Italy. Nate Parker battles the bottle and leadership demands as Red Leader (a nod to Star Wars) Marty “Easy” Julian, and his friendship with Lightning is reminiscent of the best relationships where strife and contention can only make them better, stronger.

Likewise, the pairing of Andre Royo and Method Man as two enlisted mechanics who berate pilots for damaging their planes is often hilarious. The pilots joke about tattling on each other to Coffee (Royo), but there is genuine fear in their performances when they bring home battered equipment.

And relative newcomer (to acting, anyway, but he’s credited on the soundtracks of 30 productions) Ne-Yo eerily invokes John Witherspoon as Smoky when he flies wing for Lightning during a target-of-opportunity raid on a German Destroyer.

No Tuskegee Airman movie is complete without one thankless role, that of the Old White Racist with Power. In Tuskegee, it was John Lithgow, but in Red Tails, it’s Bryan Cranston who jumps on that grenade, blowing away all likeableness he normally exhibits to play desk Colonel William Mortamus. Mortamus is not only convinced that African Americans don’t belong in fighter planes, he releases confidential reports of the 332d’s combat records (they haven’t had any) and disciplinary actions to the press to pressure the War Department to dissolve the unit.

Unlike in Tuskegee, where Lithgow’s Senator Conyers is loathe to admit that he might have been wrong, there is no such contrition from Mortamus in Red Tails, who demands respect for his uniform in spite of his continued belief that blacks are inferior. It is similar thinking that delayed the production of a big budget war film with a mostly black cast (albeit for “economic” reasons); but it was perhaps fortuitous that it was finally released in an election year where candidates question the combat fitness of women and open homosexuals, and this makes Red Tails an important film of 2012.

Ultimately, Red Tails has its flaws, but it was worth the wait and makes a better comic book movie than, say, Thor or Green Lantern. I don’t get to say this very much anymore, but good job, George.

Look at that: black actors doing the Hero Walk and not a single one is Will Smith.

Who says I can't be preachy?

Hovering, mooning, exploding, and drinking: it’s been the week of the gerunds! (It was also a shortened week because I got sick, hence no Wednesday post or “Take it from Snee.”) Here’s the recap:

• It turns out that the insect secret to hovering is being top heavy. With Mattel’s announcement to sell licensed Back to the Future hoverboards, Newt Gingrich’s giant head will be unstoppable. (Except over water.) (Feb. 13, 2012)

• How much do you think it would cost to moon the Queen of England? In Australia, about $800. (Feb. 14, 2012)

• Electronic cigarettes are safer then analog cigarettes, but more dangerous than exploding cigars. (Feb. 16, 2012)

• Fruit flies take a page from Roman Catholicism and drink heavily whenever they’re pregnant with parasitic wasp larvae. In their defense: they don’t make tiny enough sets of stairs. (Feb. 17, 2012)

I also appointed my Supreme Court Dream Team: Florida Judge John Hurley as Chief Justice and eight clones of Judge Hurley.

The finger, blood clots, spanking, court-ordered dates, lying doctors, and bullet-ridden laptops; it looks like everybody had it in for you this week. Here’s the recap if you survived:

• You know the culture war’s over when the PTC focuses on an errant finger in the middle of the most gay-friendly Super Bowl halftime show since Up With People. (Feb. 6, 2012)

• Just when you think the airline industry has cut out all complimentary services in coach, they find one more to take away: blood clots. (Feb.7, 2012)

• Canadian scientists discover kids are like a faulty television: smacking it may fix undesirable behavior in the short term, maybe even knock some dust off, but your Samsung is still broken and probably even more so now. (Feb. 8, 2012)

• Take it from Snee: Red Lobster got just about the worst endorsement it never asked for. (Feb. 8, 2012)

• Rule #1: The Doctor lies.* (Feb. 9, 2012)

• A dad shoots his teenage daughter’s laptop after she posts mean things about him on Facebook so that she’ll never do it again. In other news, the MPAA believes they’ve finally licked their Internet piracy problem. (Feb. 10, 2012)

*Joke credit goes to online compadre, Abel Undercity.

While a lesser judge might have sentenced Joseph Bray to jail time for, as his wife Sonja described, shoving her to the sofa and grabbing her by the neck, Judge Hurley recognized this the way any Floridian would: a happy birthday chokeslam. (The two were fighting because Joseph failed to wish his wife a happy birthday.)

So, that’s why the judge ruled that they must:

1. Consume flowers. (That’s why women always need more, right?)
2. Go to Red Lobster.
3. Go bowling, a bloodsport that — in my experience — has settled more marriages than any other besides Monopoly.

After all, this whole incident boiled down to what Judge Hurley described as a “very, very minor” example of domestic violence. It’s only assault if it happens in a bar, workplace or anywhere else that isn’t your living room.

Not only do I offer Judge John Hurley my congratulations on a verdict well reached, but I wish him a long and illustrious career over other cases. Cases like ….

Cases like? Read the rest at either:

• Take it from Snee: Judge John Hurley, the Mikado | SeriouslyGuys
• Judge John Hurley, the Mikado | HumorOutcasts

There’s no escape for you, listener! It’s Orgazmo! Prepare to meet your doom!

It’s only episode 9 of Blast Shields Down, and I decided to inflict one of my favorite movies on the Blasters, Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s 1997 triumph, Orgazmo. Of course, not everyone agreed with my appraisal (*cough* Chris Duncan *cough*).

Joe Young (Trey Parker), a Mormon on his mission in Hollywood, tries to share his love of Christ with porn producer Maxxx Orbison (Michael Dean Jacobs). Orbison instead converts Joe into Joe Hung and makes him the star of his latest film, Orgazmo, about a superhero who and fights crime and makes love to women across time and space with his Orgazmorator ray and trusty sidekick, Choda Boy (Dian Bachar). When Joe discovers Orbinson is using the profits to fund his own organized crime syndicate, he and Ben (a.k.a. Choda Boy) fight back using an actual Orgazmorator that Ben invented and some sweet ass kung fu.

Also starring: actual adult actors Ron Jeremy, Chasey Lain, Juli Ashton, Anna Kazuki, Ivu, Shayla LaVeaux, Jill Kelly, Miyu Natsuki, Mao Asami, Max Hardcore, Christi Lake, Jeanna Fine, Davia Ardell, Jacklyn Lick, Melissa Hill, Serenity, Melissa Monet, Warren Northwood, Barocca, and Nikita.

C’mon, boys! Let’s get real nasty! Spank your ass and get in there!

WARNING: Blast Shields Down film reviews are throbbing with naughty language, infuriating opinions and — in this episode — so many spoilers that we decided to ruin the endings to some other movies in case you didn’t believe us. (You saw Zombieland, right?)

Listen: http://traffic.libsyn.com/blastshieldsdown/BSD_Ep_09_Orgazmo_FINAL_MP3_128kbps.mp3

Love: http://blastshieldsdown.com/

Subscribe: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/blast-shields-down-film-review/id458980736

Highlights:

Duncan: In spite of myself, I kinda — I wanted to not like this movie, and for the most part I was successful in that. But, despite myself …

Me: He actually had to clench his teeth and work on his dick with a cheese grater so he could maintain his scowl throughout the viewing.

Duncan: That’s right. It took a lot of effort. But despite myself, there’re some really funny things in this movie, some very funny moments, jokes that really hit. These guys are really talented, as they have shown since then.
……………………

Duncan: You know, there’s a trope alert. You know, that old people cussing is always funny. I mean, in a movie like this, anytime you see like an old lady appear like that, you know there’s an F-bomb coming. I mean, that’s the whole purpose of her being there.

Me: Or, you start expecting her to speak jive.

Hubie: Back to Rick’s question –

Dajuan: Wait. Hold on, Hubie. Hold on.

Hubie: What? No.

Dajuan: Can we just go back –

Hubie: No!

Dajuan: Pull out, Hubie! Pull out! … Okay, but how many of you do not know old people who cuss? All the time. Every old person I have ever known in my life has been able to out-cuss me. They can make me blush.

• If Native Americans are famous for using every part of any animal they kill, then Jamie Oliver is fast food’s Custer. (Jan. 30, 2012)

• This park ranger is living the dream. She fired her stun gun at a small dog owner, but unlike when you or I do it, the yip-yip guy went to jail. (Jan. 31, 2012)

• The adventures of a British prince in a magical land with Spanishy people and backwards-flowing toilets continue. (Feb. 1, 2012)

• Take it from Snee: DC ain’t afraid of no snake god or losing what little credibility they have left. Get ready for Watchmen prequels. (Feb. 1, 2012)

• Some guy adopted his 42-year-old girlfriend. Don’t worry; he’s just rich and wants to keep his money after being arrested for drinking and running over a poor person. It’s not like he’s a pervert or nothing. (Feb. 2, 2012)

• Republicans against supporting single moms? Well, that’s not so surprising. But, Catholics against sex with children? What is this? Wackytown? (Feb. 3, 2012)

DC knows how to love a classic. Lovingly.

In the 2007 episode of The Simpsons, “Husbands and Knives,” guest star Alan Moore (and writer of Watchmen and V for Vendetta) ripped into Milhouse for asking him to sign his DVD of Watchmen Babies in V for Vacation.

Milhouse took his life into his own hands, for Alan Moore is a ceremonial magician who communicates with gods, primarily the Roman snake god, Glycon.

Fortunately, DC has their own magical snake anti-venom: piles of money. And they now plan to use this immunity to publish seven new Watchmen prequels titled Before Watchmen, only this time without Alan Moore or Dave Gibbons.

All I can say is, after 25 years, it’s about damn time ….

Read why at either:

• SeriouslyGuys
• HumorOutcasts

What can I say? I love my readers.

Pain, evil beards, the Snuggie, Wheel, and … what was it? Oh, Canada. It was such a slow week that Arizona’s governor made the news for being a bitch to a dark person. Still, here’s the recap:

• The next time your wife brags that women have a higher pain tolerance than men, you can now reply, “So, you’re just whiny?” Thanks, science for the divorce! (Jan. 23, 2012)

• The Imagineers have done it again! Looks like the Epcot Ball was a bridge to an evil parallel universe. (Jan. 24, 2012)

• Take it from Snee: Turning blankets into clothes isn’t exactly a new idea. Here’s the history behind the Snuggie: it goes all the way back to the Paleolithic and a caveperson‘s coin purse. (Jan. 25, 2012)

• Pat Sajak admitted that he and Vanna were drunk in early episodes of Wheel of Fortune. That settles one bet; now let’s find out if Alex Trebek really fed his mustache orphans like I swore he did in the ’80s. (Jan. 26, 2012)

• I just don’t trust Canadians, with their beady little eyes, yellow heads, hook-like hands, and holes in their feet for locking into place. And now they’re up there, watching us poop. (Jan. 27, 2012)

Foolish as it may seem, I don’t believe everything I see in commercials. For instance, when InventHelp says that the guy who invented the Splash Wash, a car wash for kids, by watching children play, I find it hard to believe he wasn’t masturbating at the time. Or that the woman’s whose hair is blown permanently back by the Trojan Vibrating Twister isn’t held there with semen.

But, there’s one idea that completely stretches my brain’s capacity for hogwash (which is another use for the Splash Wash, by the way), and it’s that modern man has just now solved the problems inherent in wearing a blanket.

The Snuggie and the Forever Lazy aren’t bad ideas, though. To the contrary, I long for the day when I can wear the poncho I was given to keep warm in a Tijuana jail cell to work. No, what’s nearly impossible to fathom is that these products are awarded patents for what humanity already accomplished in the Paleolithic Era.

Granted, it’s not uncommon for society to forget previous innovations, like trepanning, a medical practice dating back to the beginning of human history that pops up every time a doctor wants a license for drilling holes in people’s heads.

The Snuggie and the Forever Lazy follow the same path, starting way back in the Ice Age …

Read the rest at:

• SeriouslyGuys
• HumorOutcasts