Archive for the ‘Take it from Snee’ Category:

Explaining U.S. political parties to foreigners, children

Take it from Snee
on March 15th, 2012 by - No Comments

Longtime readers may recall that for three glorious days back in 2008, I was a legal subject of Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II (long may she reign so that Camilla may not). Bermuda was a welcome vacation from the U.S. because it was an election year, but alas, the natives knew all about it and would ask tourists who we’re going to vote for.

What was most striking was that, although they knew the names, they still didn’t quite grasp the subtleties or history behind the American political parties or why one American would support one over another.

It is in the spirit of not knowing what a Tory or Socialist is that I’ve assembled this handy guide to the great and small political parties of these United States for foreigners and children. (For best use, please print this out onto a 4 x 11-inch note card, and keep it in your wallet with a magnifying glass.)

Read the guide at either:

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Movie Pet Peeves

Take it from Snee
on March 8th, 2012 by - No Comments

Between the podcast I do and the reviews I write here, I watch a lot of movies. Like any fan of cinema, there are films I love, films I hate and the vast majority fall somewhere between those extremes.

But, no matter how good or bad a movie may be, there are certain elements that I dread popping up. Imagine you’re invested in the story on screen, sitting on the edge of your seat, wondering how the plot is going to turn next, when suddenly — BAM! — you’re ripped out of, say, Middle Earth by some cliché you’ve seen in a million other movies. Frodo turns back into that kid from North touring New Zealand with Rudy.

This article is a plea to the sound editors, stunt coordinators and screenwriters of the world. These might be cool inside jokes to your friends in the industry, but they’re sucking the life out of your films.

Read where I break down why the Wilhelm, the three-point landing, and “it begins” gots to go at either:

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Sharing Lent with Others

Take it from Snee
on March 1st, 2012 by - No Comments

If you’re of the Catholic persuasion, then you know that we are one week deep into Lent.

For everyone else: every year, shortly after Valentine’s Day, the Almighty decides that he’s tired of putting in all the work into this relationship — including that freaky four-way with his son and a ghost we asked for. After Mardis Gras, God sobers up and turns into the princess from A Knight’s Tale and asks us to prove our love by giving up something we love for 40 days.

I, for instance, gave up the slide whistle this year, which means 40 days of stern erections: a price my wife will just have to pay. In prior years, I’ve given up monologuing in the shower, checking my tissues for productive noseblowings and Chalupas because

  1. It has to be something difficult to live without. (I ate nothing but Gorditos in 1998 to keep to my non-Chalupa agreement.)
  2. It can’t be a repeat.

But, you don’t have to be Catholic to participate. In fact, Muslims have their own version, Ramadan, while Evangelical Protestants swear off of gay sex for their entire lives — which often leads to failure for extending it beyond the Lent season.

It is in this Christian spirit that I’ve prescribed some Lent suggestions to others. Who knows? Maybe it will change their lives permanently for the better.

Who got Lent recommendations, and for what? Read the rest at either:

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Women are still mysterious

Take it from Snee
on February 23rd, 2012 by - No Comments

A little over a month ago, I began investigating the enigmas that are women — these eniginas, if you will — after learning that Stephen Hawking is wasting valuable research time thinking about them. (Get back to your black holes, sir. You study cosmology, not Cosmo.)

Well, it looks like my investigation has attracted the notice of Republican state and federal legislators, who — like Professor Hawking — often have a problem with wasting time on this issue. I’ll admit that my sources are lacking when it comes to the pull of congressional committees as I don’t have the power to summon religious leaders to answer my questions.

Is this how mysterious women have become, that when science fails, we must turn to our culturally relevant mythologies (not this year, Zeus) to finally figure out what makes ladies tick? The answer is, yes, short of asking women, this is the only way to solve the further mysteries of women. Mysteries like …

Mysteries like? Read the rest at either:

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Judge John Hurley, the Mikado

Take it from Snee
on February 9th, 2012 by - No Comments

The Mikado in the eponymous Gilbert and Sullivan play sings that, as the most humane Mikado in all of Japanese history, he believes that every punishment should fit its crime. And certainly a no more humane judge did in Florida exist than Judge John Hurley, who recently sentenced a husband in a domestic abuse case to time with his wife.

While a lesser judge might have sentenced Joseph Bray to jail time for, as his wife Sonja described, shoving her to the sofa and grabbing her by the neck, Judge Hurley recognized this the way any Floridian would: a happy birthday chokeslam. (The two were fighting because Joseph failed to wish his wife a happy birthday.)

So, that’s why the judge ruled that they must:

  1. Consume flowers. (That’s why women always need more, right?)
  2. Go to Red Lobster.
  3. Go bowling, a bloodsport that — in my experience — has settled more marriages than any other besides Monopoly.

After all, this whole incident boiled down to what Judge Hurley described as a “very, very minor” example of domestic violence. It’s only assault if it happens in a bar, workplace or anywhere else that isn’t your living room.

Not only do I offer Judge John Hurley my congratulations on a verdict well reached, but I wish him a long and illustrious career over other cases. Cases like ….

Cases like? Read the rest at either:

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© Rick Snee, 2011 - 2012
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