As you can see in the top right corner of this page, we’re off next week to observe National Clown Week. Per usual, I was going to the Ringling Museum, even though it isn’t really a circus museum. (They were the first place not call the cops.) And I was going to cosplay as Pagliacci [...]

Dear Dr. Snee: I’ve just had a birthday, and I’m worried about getting older. More specifically, about prostate exams. Do doctors really have to stick a finger up my butt? What if I enjoy it? Or are there any other methods? –Sitting Around You know, SA, you couldn’t time this question any better. In fact, [...]

As Fox News has taught me, you can’t just look to experienced journalists and certified experts for the news. Sometimes, the news is also whatever the majority of people think it is. For instance: no news body has reported that the President is going to overstep the Congress and take our guns away. (My gun [...]

It’s been at least eight years since schools taught comprehensive sex education. Eight years. A lot changes in eight years, especially when it comes to sex. Sure, the basic act of f@#king-to-miss (that’s what I call sex without the purpose of insemination) hasn’t changed much. But, let’s not forget: those are eight Internet years. You [...]

The question on everyone’s minds at this very moment–and don’t deny it–is, “Who should replace Larry King?” Rumored candidates include Piers Morgan, Katie Couric, Ryan Seacrest, Joy Behar and Anderson Cooper. Really, rumor-mill? You can’t think of people who aren’t already helming their own shows and whatever a Piers Morgan is? (Is it a porn [...]

San Francisco, the gay gene in the DNA of America, now requires cell phone sellers to post radiation levels on the phones on display. On the one hand, I’m confused. Didn’t they already do that with the whole “3G” and “4G” bit, a “G” meaning “gigawatt” in Doc Brownian physics? But, I’m also angry. Well, [...]

This past weekend, I went deep undercover to investigate the unwashed underbelly of the patchoulingest music festival this side of Burning Man: Bonaroo. So as not to arouse suspicion, I traveled in an assembled “hippie herd,” including a wife and another married couple. I disguised myself in a head bandanna and body odor. What I [...]

As I and other celebrities get older, it becomes harder to differentiate between the roles we’ve played and the regular a$$holes we used to be. (I still put my pants on one leg at a time, but each foot is bathed in frankincense before inserted into the crotch part.) The Gulf oil leak has dominated [...]

I don’t like to brag too much about my military record. For one thing, it’s not very conducive to my online comedy career. I want you to laugh with me, not laugh because–if there’s a way for a former Space Green Beret to reach through your monitor–I’ll thumb-gouge your eyes out. But, with the recent [...]

Note from Snee: Normally, you would find the ranting of a handsome man in this space. However, I’ve been offered the deal of a lifetime this week: selling my space this week to a Congressional candidate and taking the day off. See you next week, suckers! Hi, I’m Rand Paul. Some of you might know [...]