Lightning Round: Rape Jokes

I assume the discerning rapist would use a water-based lubricant, so … preventative?

Daniel Tosh recently issued an apology for what someone quoting somebody else on Tumblr described as comedy word rape. It was probably the best way for Tosh to handle the situation given that nobody wants to even remotely look like they’re defending rape. And if things went down they way the anonymous friend-of-a-friend says, then yeah, apology (his) and scorn (hers) deserved.

However, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard that it’s never acceptable to joke about rape. (The last time I was told this was by a drunk pseudo-lesbian trying to axe kick my head, so you can see how well I learned.) It’s also not the first time I’ve heard that it’s wrong to joke about cancer, AIDS, 9/11, abortion, poverty, drugs, war, spiders or death.

I’ve heard the explanation: it’s wrong to trivialize things that people find morally repugnant. Or, really: it’s wrong to make people laugh about things they find morally repugnant because making them laugh involuntarily is rape. It’s never, of course: people shouldn’t laugh at jokes about morally repugnant things.

Although I think the principal is as admirable as it is misguided, I agree in one regard: I wish painful, terrible topics weren’t fodder for comedy, because that would mean they aren’t problems any more. After all, do you think your average 23rd Century Federation citizen would get jokes about poverty or gender and racial inequality? Not unless they’ve been hanging around Ferengi gree worm farmers. (Yeah, I said it.)

But, here: I’ll let you be the judge. How morally wrong is it to tell these jokes?

You guys! Remember how I was looking for a way to signal every rapist in earshot that I’m ready for them? Check out this whistle!

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Nobody likes rape … until someone you hate goes to prison. Or someone you just dislike. Really, when anybody goes to prison. Point is, rape is just one of the many services that prison provides, and the Lion’s Club already has highway clean-up covered.

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Andrew W.K. is as uncomfortably good at partying as the Catholic Church is at covering up kid rape.

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“I don’t know who this ‘Nan King’ chick is, but she’s probably a lying whore who was asking for it.” – Japan

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I’d never rape a woman, but I’d Dutch oven the shit out of one.

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Abstinence is the only 100 percent, foolproof way to prevent rape … well, you know, if both parties practice it.

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A windowless van is a great way to say, “Yes, I rape people, but not out in public like a common pervert.” Or that you’re a plumber or something.

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An Eskimo once got me drunk and rubbed my nose. I’m not mad about the rape so much as he gave me a sinus infection. In his defense, it’s a myth that they have a hundred words for “no.” (Apparently, it’s none.)

Well, I think I’ve mentioned “rape” enough to never talk about it again. I’m gonna wash my mouth out with a gallon of bleach. At the very least, I believe I’ve proven that the opposite of “no rape jokes are funny,” mathematically speaking, is that “some rape jokes are funny.” Just probably not mine.

This post originally appeared in SeriouslyGuys and HumorOutcasts.

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