BSD #9: ‘Orgazmo’

My Rating: 4 out of 5 Naked Mariachi
Who I think sound an awful lot like Depeche Mode

There’s no escape for you, listener! It’s Orgazmo! Prepare to meet your doom!

It’s only episode 9 of Blast Shields Down, and I decided to inflict one of my favorite movies on the Blasters, Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s 1997 triumph, Orgazmo. Of course, not everyone agreed with my appraisal (*cough* Chris Duncan *cough*).

Joe Young (Trey Parker), a Mormon on his mission in Hollywood, tries to share his love of Christ with porn producer Maxxx Orbison (Michael Dean Jacobs). Orbison instead converts Joe into Joe Hung and makes him the star of his latest film, Orgazmo, about a superhero who and fights crime and makes love to women across time and space with his Orgazmorator ray and trusty sidekick, Choda Boy (Dian Bachar). When Joe discovers Orbinson is using the profits to fund his own organized crime syndicate, he and Ben (a.k.a. Choda Boy) fight back using an actual Orgazmorator that Ben invented and some sweet ass kung fu.

Also starring: actual adult actors Ron Jeremy, Chasey Lain, Juli Ashton, Anna Kazuki, Ivu, Shayla LaVeaux, Jill Kelly, Miyu Natsuki, Mao Asami, Max Hardcore, Christi Lake, Jeanna Fine, Davia Ardell, Jacklyn Lick, Melissa Hill, Serenity, Melissa Monet, Warren Northwood, Barocca, and Nikita.

C’mon, boys! Let’s get real nasty! Spank your ass and get in there!

WARNING: Blast Shields Down film reviews are throbbing with naughty language, infuriating opinions and — in this episode — so many spoilers that we decided to ruin the endings to some other movies in case you didn’t believe us. (You saw Zombieland, right?)


Duncan: In spite of myself, I kinda — I wanted to not like this movie, and for the most part I was successful in that. But, despite myself …

Me: He actually had to clench his teeth and work on his dick with a cheese grater so he could maintain his scowl throughout the viewing.

Duncan: That’s right. It took a lot of effort. But despite myself, there’re some really funny things in this movie, some very funny moments, jokes that really hit. These guys are really talented, as they have shown since then.

Duncan: You know, there’s a trope alert. You know, that old people cussing is always funny. I mean, in a movie like this, anytime you see like an old lady appear like that, you know there’s an F-bomb coming. I mean, that’s the whole purpose of her being there.

Me: Or, you start expecting her to speak jive.

Hubie: Back to Rick’s question —

Dajuan: Wait. Hold on, Hubie. Hold on.

Hubie: What? No.

Dajuan: Can we just go back —

Hubie: No!

Dajuan: Pull out, Hubie! Pull out! … Okay, but how many of you do not know old people who cuss? All the time. Every old person I have ever known in my life has been able to out-cuss me. They can make me blush.

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