BSD #7: ‘The Baxter’

My Rating for The Baxter: 2.5 3 parents cheering for the other guy out of 4
(Revised after Dajuan introduced the possibility that Cecille Mills wasn’t real)

And that man's name? Hubert Motley.

Hubie leads us through Michael Showalter’s The Baxter, which is basically The State in rom-com form, and his assuredly healthy fascination with Michelle Williams. Dajuan also comes clean about his wish for Jason Segel’s career to end disastrously and soon, but with no hard feelings for the man personally. And, my first penis joke comes right out of the gate at 1 minute, 31 seconds. That’s right: my first words of the episode. It’s a new record for Podcasts That Aren’t About Pornography and fitting since I had just turned 30, proving just how much I had grown up.

Hubie (1:25): And fresh from Carousel, identify and rise to meet the newly renewed Rick Snee …

Me (1:31): And then I slipped my big fat cock i–

Hubie (1:35): Okay.

In my defense? I was quoting the movie. That we were discussing, I’ll add.

This is what happens when we record without Chris Duncan, who set up the studio, and then napped off the flu on the couch.

WARNING: Blast Shields Down film reviews are plum full of suspense-ruining spoilers, naughty language, and infuriating opinions. Listener discretion is advised, especially if you’re Michelle Williams.


Hubie: But, I love you, Michelle Williams. You are very beautiful. And in a non-creepy way.

Me: I want to wear your skin … lovingly. Lovingly.

Dajuan: Stop wringing your hands and licking your lips when you say that.

Hubie: I will try.

Me: At one point, you know, when Elizabeth Banks is storming out of the apartment, and she comes back, “Did you say something? … You’re supposed to chase me!” And you know, Julie [my wife] says, “Yeah! He’s supposed to chase her! Why don’t guys ever do that? They never — we leave, all dramatic, because we want, we want them to pay attention.”

Dajuan: Because she’s never been inside a guy’s mind.

Hubie: Because we’re kind of stupid.

Dajuan: “F you and get out of the house, because I’m not chasing you.”

Hubie: Yep. Exactly.

Me: My response is: we’re thinking about it, but we’re pausing because we’re also considering what our lives would be without you.

Hubie: Yeah.

Dajuan: Ding-ding-ding.

Me: Especially right now.

Hubie: You could see him sorting his relationships. “I can see two routes right now.”

Me: “Two paths lay before me …”

Hubie: “And I took the one filled with beer and pizza.”

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