The U.S. Citizenship Test (according to Facebook)

Good afternoon, presumably American citizen! As you’re probably aware, your right to citizenship is guaranteed by the 14th amendment to the U.S. Constitution (not to be confused with the U.S.S. Constitution, which — like diversity — is an old, old wooden ship used during the Civil War era). And, if you’re not a citizen, then you can apply and then take a test to prove you’re the stuff American dreams are made of. But, is that too simple?

In many trades, you are required to periodically re-certify to maintain your current standing or move up to another level of union or guild membership. Those who can’t make the grade in, say, barrel-making could find themselves out of a job if they can’t stay up to date in the latest innovations in the field of coopering.

We could have had something similar for U.S. citizenship. Unfortunately, some Southern racists ruined things by only applying political competency tests to African Americans, so the Voting Rights Act of 1965 pretty much nipped that idea in the bud.

But, what if there were a way for people to self-administer this test to prove over and over again to their friends and family that they are America+ citizens? It seems silly to think anyone would submit that kind of personal information on a daily basis to coworkers and near strangers …. and then Mark Zuckerberg invented Facebook.

I’ve created a new U.S. Citizenship Recertification test based on my research, which consisted of diddling around on Facebook all day.

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