The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Guys with Guns

“There are two kinds of people in the world those with guns and those that dig. You dig?”

Like most Americans, I’m tired. I’m tired of reacting to disasters stemming from pollution, violence, poverty, addiction, and hatred. And I’m positively exhausted by how easily we’ve divided these issues into political camps because inaction behooves those who can afford politicians.

When it comes to pollution, we debate which straws or how often we travel make us better people. Meanwhile, our nation’s biggest polluters continue to dump more waste in the oceans daily than any one American can in a lifetime. We’re literally grasping at straws because, due to a lack of corporate culpability, its the only aspect we can control in our environment.

We debate how to treat addicts–whether they deserve treatment or prison based on how they act when using or trying to buy drugs. Meanwhile, we’re just now starting to pay closer attention to the pharmaceutical companies that profit handsomely from making large quantities of the most powerful and addictive painkillers on Earth so easily available.

And, when it comes to guns, we argue about who matters more: “bad guys” who kill indiscriminately with guns or “good guys” who haven’t done anything wrong with their guns. Meanwhile, we don’t really hear much about the ugly guys with guns–those who put and help keep guns in the hands of good and bad guys alike and don’t seem to much care about the consequences.

So, who are the ugly guys with guns?


Is the military-style AR-15 more powerful than a more conventional Springfield .30-06? I don’t know, because it doesn’t fucking matter. For better or worse, the AR-15 is the weapon of choice for spree killers.

In any other market, this distinction would make the AR-15 the equivalent of selling a Swastika Barbie. But, not in the gun industry, because manufacturers can hide behind the NRA and, through laws passed in Congress, never be held accountable for the uses of their products in spite of intentional design choices that inspire a specific reaction in certain consumers.

How do we hold the Sacklers responsible for flooding our neighborhoods with OxyContin if we don’t also hold Colt, Remington, and companies responsible for flooding our towns with the gun of choice for bad guys?

Arms Dealers

We think of arms dealers as mercenary types selling grenade launchers out of pickup trucks in Mogadishu, but we have them here, too: at every back alley and online sale and in every gun show.

So long as we tolerate unregulated sales of weapons to anyone anywhere, we provide a safe haven for any alleged “good guy” to buy a gun without proving their identity, intent, or background. If this sounds sketchy, then congratulations! You’re not an ugly guy with a bunch of guns to sell without losing any sleep.

Careless Gun Owners

If the now countless incidents of gun spree killings hasn’t conditioned gun owners to keep their weapons unloaded and safely locked away, even from loved ones, then it’s time to hold them more accountable, too. It’s the least we owe to the survivors of Parkland and other shootings who took their own lives later because they couldn’t live with the fact that the killer missed them.

Why aren’t we talking more about the people who failed to keep their weapons out of the hands of loved ones planning harm to others? Why do we treat the family and peers who push these young men to violence through abuse, neglect, and/or incompetence with kid gloves?

Self-described Good Guys with Guns

We’ve all pretty much figured out by now that anyone who calls themselves a “nice guy”–and especially if they argue the point and call you a whore if you disagree–is not really a nice guy.

It’s time to question the motives of anyone who describes themselves as a “good guy with a gun.” Especially when they enter a gun debate to facetiously use anti-discrimination language and sea lion anyone who disagrees with obtuse slogans like “an armed populace is a polite one.”

They’re the MRAs of guns, expecting us to take them at their word that #NotAllGunOwners who carry guns into public spaces have a hostile intent.

Fuck those guys. We’re all on edge now, wondering if this concert, sporting event, or market is the one where someone opens fire. Anyone introducing a gun without proper credentials (e.g., a badge) is committing the Second Amendment equivalent of shouting “fire” in a theater. And they fucking know it, so it is hostile.

Even if they intend no harm, how healthy is someone who thinks they’re a fucking hero just because they’re carrying? We should no more trust these assholes to protect us than we would let an MRA babysit our daughters.

Good Guys with Guns are the new Nice Guys. And their response after every shooting is ugly.

‘Not racist, just #1 with racists’

I remember back when I was a Republican voter just how relieved I was when the Clinton presidency was over. Finally, someone could restore honor to the White House, which George W. Bush promised during his first campaign. (Whether he ultimately delivered? That’s not today’s discussion … although I’m not aware of any terrorist positively citing Bush in their manifesto.)

Even as I’ve moved leftward over the years — which seems to happen the more someone reads books (not ghostwritten for TV hosts), travels, and meets people from very different backgrounds — I still feel pretty comfortable about that feeling. It’s still not clear how many of Bill’s extracurricular relationships were consensual, and even those that were don’t seem 100%.

I wasn’t alone in that feeling, clearly. But, I also wasn’t as far deep down the Far Right rabbit hole as others. Take, for instance, the Militias that metastasized during the Clinton years in response to talk radio-promoted fears of gun seizures, FEMA camps, and black helicopters. It took Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols blowing up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City in 1995 before we started treating these groups seriously … for a brief time until the Right successfully reframed reports on militias’ and other right wing extremists’ preparations for similar violence as political bias.

168 people killed and 680 injured by terrorists. Seems like something we could all agree is a problem, right? Surprisingly not.

The mainstream right missed an opportunity there. Rather than feign outrage and inadvertently claim the militias as part of the Republican Party, they could have agreed that:

  1. There is no place for violence in our politics.
  2. Armed lunatics do not represent us.
  3. Law enforcement should prioritize closer surveillance of groups proven to be both arming themselves at an alarming rate and to have members who perpetrated the worst terrorist attack in the country second only to 9/11.

None of that happened, obviously. And it was one of several pushes that sent me to the Left.

Get it, libtard? Anyone’s a right wing extremist if you ignore violent intent, racist demagoguery, and meth habits. Stop oppressing me!

Fast-forward 24 years to today and we have another president embroiled in scandal both personal and constitutional. And Right Wing Extremist-perpetrated violence is becoming more common again around the world, from Charlottesville, Virginia to Christchurch, New Zealand.

But, as similar as things seem, there’s one glaring difference. When McVeigh and company attacked ordinary Americans, including children in a daycare center, they cited Clinton administration members as potential targets for their violence, not as sources of inspiration. They likely considered Clinton Public Enemy Number 1, which I guess is a type of inspiration, but not the way terrorists are praising our current president and his vilification of religious, ethnic, and racial others through tweet and policy.

I don’t think it’s asking much to again wish for the return of dignity and honor to the White House. I’d like for evil to consider our president its enemy, not a continuing source of inspiration. Or at least to not feel like he’s earned a nod in their manifesto — indifference is good, too.

The language of collaborators … after the fallout

An entire branch of government wants credit for secretly working against the Constitution in favor of personal gain and party politics, including four generals.

The New York Times published an anonymous op-ed from a “senior official in the Trump administration” on Wednesday. In it, an alleged staffer writes about the “heroes” who, rather than invoke the 25th Amendment to remove a president who’s unfit for office, have quietly worked around him to do … well, whatever they want.

As the author puts it, they’ve stuck it out due to the “bright spots that the near-ceaseless negative coverage of the administration fails to capture: effective deregulation, historic tax reform, a more robust military and more.”

In return, he or she claims “unsung heroes in and around the White House” have resisted … something. By doing or not doing something. Because the president is amoral and didn’t do enough to sanction Russia or keep trade open.

I wrote a year ago about what collaborators sound like. When rational minds call out bad behavior from one side of a divide, collaborators deflect by claiming both sides are bad. They, including the President, did so after Charlottesville, giving literal Nazis cover for invading a town and running over protesters.

And now that the President’s approval rating is unrecoverable and a new book from Bob Woodward looms on the horizon, we see the other side of collaborators: how they try to distance themselves from a loser.

Accounts from the aftermath of World War II allege that, in 1945, in a country filled with Germans, it was very hard to find a Nazi. Even next door neighbors to concentration camps claimed either not to know what was happening or trumped up minuscule acts of self-interested insubordination as resistance bonafides.

The anonymous writer snidely reclaims the title of “resistance” from the Left. “We want the administration to succeed and think that many of its policies have already made America safer and more prosperous.”

They want credit for acknowledging what everyone already figured out without their help: that the President is amoral, lacks the discipline to do his job, and can’t even manage his staff.

And, worse, they want us to thank them for running a secondary, unaccountable government behind-the-scenes. They won’t use the existing powers in the Constitution to openly expose an unfit, yet duly elected leader’s shortcomings to the nation that depends on him. Instead, they’re shaping and enacting policy without anyone’s knowledge.

The “resistors” inside the Republican Party are trying to have it both ways. They get the policies they want out of the President, and they also get the things that he’s incapable of understanding or caring about by working around him and the confines of the U.S. Constitution.

In short, the author takes credit for all of us living in a banana republic now. What a hero.

But, we should always expect collaborators with amorality and evil to hedge their bets. This particular collaborator, like all collaborators, wants to believe they can live on both sides of history and still be right.

Instead, they make a very strong case for why democracy and responsible republican representation can only survive when each and every participating member of the administration is indicted.

Untalented political hacks don’t want you to vote

Racists and their cynical allies once charged people to vote. Why? Because it’s worth it.

I’m sure it baffles everyone why I get so indignant about people who don’t vote, are ambivalent about those who do, and even argue against it. (My emotions about this certainly caught Mike Rowe off-guard.)

This quote from an story on NPR about Ohio’s special Congressional race results is what chews my tin foil about people who don’t bother to vote:

President Trump campaigned for Balderson, a 56-year-old state senator, this past weekend in an effort to energize the GOP base, but some Republicans worried that the president’s appearance could have had an adverse effect by motivating voters who don’t like Trump to come out for O’Connor. Still, it appears as though the president was able to energize enough rural voters to turn out to blunt advantages that O’Connor had in the more urban and suburban areas of the district.

There is an entire industry of politicos whose high-paying job is to convince you not to vote. Our entire political field has been determined by only the kind of rabid wingnuts who bother to vote in primaries. Campaign managers know that it’s easier to scare normal people away from voting than to communicate what’s good about their otherwise unelectable candidates.

The only way to solve this problem–and get political science majors back to flipping burgers–is to be a voter. Being a voter means voting in primaries, special elections, mid-terms, local and state elections, and then presidential elections.

Anyone can vote when it’s the issue du jour; a voter, however, shapes the future of their government at all levels, fulfilling Lincoln’s description of what so many Union soldiers gave their lives for: a government of the people, by the people, and for the people.

But, soaring rhetoric aside, be a voter because untalented people punching way over their weight don’t want you to vote regularly. Then they might have to work for a living.

Republican Politics Approaching Rock Bottom

You can confront someone about their addiction; but, until they reach a point where even they can’t recognize themselves, the addict will always maintain that they are rational and fully in control. They’re choosing the thing or behavior that’s harming them, so back off. It’s not until they reach rock bottom—after losing friends, family, and self-respect—that most addicts realize the harm they’ve caused to themselves and others.

I watched and briefly became addicted to Fox News and post-Clinton Republican politics. It’s easy to be a young white man and see yourself as a self-made bastion of Libertarian ideals—not racist, just wishing everyone could have the strength to pull themselves up by the bootstraps their parents bought for them. I mean, what did your parents buy you after bringing home a Gentleman’s C-report card?

9/11 made it even easier: we were at war, have you forgotten? There’s no time to pal around with potential terrorists! What, do you hate the troops?

Abu Ghraib was my rock bottom. Seeing Americans gleefully chomping on a cigarette butt while tugging literal choke chains on naked human beings was an unrecognizable low for me. That wasn’t Enduring or Iraqi Freedom; that was the logical endpoint of when we let our anger lead us from capturing Osama Bin Laden to trading pictures of Saddam Hussein’s dead sons online and watching his hanging on Youtube.

If this was the first image an alien saw about the “War on Terror,” who would it think is the bad guy?

Obviously, that wasn’t rock bottom for everyone, but each addict has their own depths to explore. The current Republican politics addict has now endured the following and still sees themselves as fully in control, mind your own business:

Same question as before.

This latest development is the logical conclusion of plumbing those depths deeper and deeper on the topic of immigration (“they’re using our welfare”), and you’d think we’ve reached rock bottom. After all, the United States has now officially made any form of asylum-seeking a crime, even when fleeing gang-related or domestic violence. As a consequence of arresting everyone who approaches our southern border, we now keep their kids in cages, indefinitely, while their parents wonder if they’re even alive.


This is an action that, if it were in a movie, would be used to telegraph just how over-the-top evil a government is. If we also made those kids work in mines, we’d be the bad guys in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Conan the Barbarian, and actual World War II. (Technically, I guess I’m conceding that we haven’t truly reached rock bottom yet.)

And it’s obvious that we still haven’t reached Republican rock bottom, because now we have pedantic arguments about what is and isn’t a cage and accusations about child actors. Which makes sense because, in the addicts’ mind, everything that calls their behavior into question isn’t fair or accurate. These are the same tired tactics we’ve seen play out when addressing our nation’s addiction to guns.

At some point, the remaining Fox News faithful will either reach rock bottom or die, angry and alone. The terrifying part is how  much worse our country’s actions will have to be for them to notice the squalor.

The Admirals Club: Cultivating Health, One Face at a Time

Sign up for The Admirals Club this Movember!

Every November 1st, some Admirals Club members shave to a clean face. We remove our beards and stubble to grow a mustache. Others begin the first of 30 consecutive days of exercise, including high-intensity workouts like running and weightlifting and lower ones like walking and yoga. And some do both.

We, as a team, dedicate the month of Movember (moustache + November) to fun, fitness, and health — all of which can be hard to set time aside for the other 12 months of the year. For 30 days, we grow silly facial hair and improve our own health — all to raise funds and awareness of the biggest impacts to men’s health:

  • Testicular and prostate cancer.
  • Mental illness and suicide.
  • Poor health due to physical inactivity and social stigma.

These combined factors contribute to men living 6 fewer years on average than women, leaving behind family and friends way too soon. And in most cases, it’s entirely preventable.

We’re cultivating health, one face at a time. The funds we raise improve testicular and prostate cancer treatment outcomes and contribute to research for cures. We help fund the Prostate Cancer Foundation and LiveStrong’s research, treatment and detection access, and quality of life programs for diagnosed men and their families. We help pay for grassroots mental health and suicide prevention programs, reaching men who would otherwise never seek treatment. We help fund the Movember Foundation’s wellness and fitness campaigns, getting men outside and active, helping them eat better and stop smoking.

And the best part is that, although we start the month looking like clean-shaven babies, we end it looking dapper and feeling fit.

Will your face join ours? Sign up today at

For every #metoo …

Intellectually, I’ve known that life is different for women. I know that I can do simple things without fear, like go running by myself, get drunk at a bar, or (mostly) speak my mind to male work colleagues and superiors and not worry about repercussions. And I’ve coasted on “knowing” that.

After all, I don’t rape women. Or withhold promotions from them. Not all men, amiright?

Nearly every woman I know on social media can say #metoo. And, with the topic competing with everything else going on, it could very well be all women and I just missed their posts because football players did something that made our president mad or something. Which means that, statistically, there’s no possible way that it’s just one or two Bad Guys here or there. Nearly every man, including myself, has some role in these stories.

There are two possibilities here. Either:

a) Men aren’t taught what sexual harassment and assault are ( … burden of proof is on men by this point, so doubtful).

b) Men are giving ourselves way too much latitude – as in, “OK, I did that one thing once, but it was one time, and I didn’t do something worse, so I’m not a Bad Guy.”

I’m absolutely certain the answer is b. Not that we shouldn’t continue to teach men and boys (and, really, everyone) what consent actually looks like and how much of a better time it makes for everyone. But, every woman? Every woman in the free, Internet-using world has a #metoo story? Every woman has been sexually assaulted or harassed?

Education isn’t enough. It’s time for a reckoning. Men need to take accountability for their actions and reconsider their past. We need to start our own “Me, too” campaign (but not #metoo, that’s taken). As in, every man is most likely part of the problem? Me, too.

I’ll start. My past could be better.

In high school, I thought it would be funny to decorate the girls’ dressing room before a play with bananas, apples, and oranges “playfully arranged” to look like full dick and ball sets. Complete with frosted tips – y’know, because jizm. If they saw it as just a prank, great.

But, what if they thought they had to “go along with it?” Nobody wants to seem difficult or get a cast member in trouble. Did I get a pass because it was more important to start the play on time?

I did not have permission to go into their dressing room. My intent was for the room to be empty, but what if I walked in on someone getting changed? No one was in the room, but does that make me less of a bad guy?

What if someone was going through something even worse (e.g., abuse), and I just reminded them of it because I think dicks and balls and cum are funny? Or somehow made this hypothetical abuser seem normal, that “all guys are like this,” so it’s not a big deal? I’ll probably never know if that was the case, but considering the possibility doesn’t make me feel like I’m much better than some other Bad Guy.

I also catcalled women on at least one occasion during college on a friends’ front stoop into an alley people used as a shortcut all the time. It seemed funny to me. Maybe it was funny to my friends, or maybe they weren’t going to call me on it if it bothered them because who wants to make trouble, right? I wasn’t going to do anything to these women, but how the fuck were they supposed to know that?

I hate what I did. I hate that I thought it was funny – at the time and some years later. And I hate that it’s not until much later that I see where I contributed to someone’s #metoo. It’s not that I didn’t “intellectually know” that these things were wrong – it’s that I gave myself a pass because, c’mon, it’s not like I raped somebody.

As multiple writers have pointed out this week, “it’s not like I raped somebody” is the laziest benchmark for being a decent person. We all easily determine, every day, who sucks at driving long before they kill someone. Usually, they just have to cut us off or run a red light. And we didn’t have to wait for every child in the ‘70s to be staked to the ground before deciding that lawn darts were a bad idea.

Men need a better benchmark for ourselves, especially when it may not even be true – did we get consent every time we went under the shirt? Maybe? Or did she put up with it because she wasn’t supposed to be alone in the house with a boy or drinking, which she’d have to admit to if she said anything?

And, we need to be better friends to our fellow men. Letting shit like this slide isn’t good friendship, isn’t good for men or women, and is how we ended up with an entire of generation of women saying #metoo. If we want to pretend that men haven’t learned what is and isn’t acceptable behavior by now, then it is our duty to refresh that lesson when our brothers forget it.

Intellectually “knowing” or being woke (bruh) isn’t enough. I’ve been in meetings where women in similar positions or sometimes higher were interrupted. Or, once they walked out of the room, their ideas were ignored at best or derided by the boys’ club. I always advocate for my peers, but that doesn’t erase a time I failed to speak up in the past. Or, as evidenced above, a shitty thing I did.

My point isn’t to make up for anything. I can’t undo that; we can’t undo everything we’ve done to women to this point. But it won’t get better for women unless we stop pretending what we did was OK or “not that bad.” We need to pledge to do better, be better, and raise our next generation to do the same from the very beginning.

For every #metoo, there’s a man who did it. Women aren’t assaulted; someone assaults them. Women aren’t harassed; someone harasses them. Women aren’t listened to; we’re not listening to them.

We need to own our part in this. Me, too.

The language of collaborators

It's taken less than 24 hours for the expected spin about the Nazi invasion of Charlottesville, Va. from parties who, at the very least, depend on white supremacist votes — including our nation's president. That spin? That even though only one side showed up in fake uniforms with long rifles and ran over the other side, this is somehow everyone's fault.

You hear this often during elections, especially the last election, that "both sides are bad, so …" It's a way for people making terrible decisions to distance themselves from the repercussions of said decisions by making themselves feel like it's an impossible choice. But, more insidiously, it allows them to capitalize on decent people's overwhelming urge to give others the benefit of the doubt, avoid conflict, and move on.

Let's be clear here: nobody asked for Nazis, the Klan, and more cowardly strains of "white separatists" to come to Charlottesville. The people of that town voted, deciding they didn't want racists' monuments in their public square anymore, and racists took it upon themselves to travel there, intimidate, and — once things went predictably bad — commit an act of terror straight out of ISIS' playbook.

(It's probably also worth mentioning that the alleged attacker fulfilled many a "Blue Lives Matters" supporters' bucket lists by running over people who support Black Lives Matter in the street.)

And yet, here we are, once again hearing the accusation that, somehow, the victims of violent racists are in some way responsible. That these normally peaceful advocates of genocide, forced relocation, and upholding bogus notions of racial purity through violence meant well, but, gosh darn it, somebody interrupted white men while they were speaking by torchlight.

We shouldn't be surprised. This has been the tactic of American racists for at least 160 years, stemming back to Bleeding Kansas.

If you don't remember Bleeding Kansas from history class, it's part of the five minute intro to two straight weeks of studying the Civil War. Basically, in 1854, Kansas was applying to be a state. At that time, states chose whether they would be free or slave states, which mattered a lot to slave states who worried about losing representational dominance in Congress.

When it looked like the people of Kansas were going to vote to be a free state, slave holders and complicit racists invaded Kansas. They left home to wage unspeakable terror on someone else in their own state … and yet, like the Civil War itself, slaveholder sympathizers successfully turned the conversation into one about "perspective." That, at some point, people in Kansas fought back, so really, aren't both sides to blame at least a little?

And good and decent people fall for it every time, appealing to the "better angels of our nature" for all the good that did for Lincoln.

That's why we need to remember Charlottesville, learn from it, and stop repeating this mistake of forcing victims to shoulder some of the blame for violence perpetrated against them.

And recognize that anyone who tries to make this argument, or still pretend that liberals made up the very real threat of the "Alt-Right," they are nothing less than modern day collaborators.

Playing at war

Some time around 1988? ’89? Anyway, at the tail end of the ’80s during Ronald Reagan’s third term, I and the other kids on my street in the San Antonio suburbs went to war. We formed armies based on existing affiliations and began an agreed upon build up.

My Mexican friends and I two doors down started building a fort because they always had lumber and I had a hammer and saw. This mighty construction effort consisted of stacking the lumber, halfway sawing through some pieces before getting tired, and hammering a few nails in because, hey, we had a hammer.

The girls, being wise, built bows and arrows out of sticks and shiny metallic elastic that never quite worked as advertised. As they practiced, they more threw the arrows throw a hoop more than knocked and let fly.

The white boys, however, already had all they needed and combined their mighty stockpiles of Rambo-themed camouflage and toy guns. I don’t remember if the war was their idea, but they had certainly prepared for it their entire young lives, parading around with their weapons since time immemorial.

After so many days or weeks of buildup, the white boys launched their attack on our fort. I wound up on top of our “ramparts” as my next door neighbor swung his heavy wooden and metal rifle at my legs.

It’s important to note that, unlike today’s brightly-colored plastic Nerf guns, toy guns back then were heavy, made of wood and metal, with only a plastic orange cap at the end to distinguish them from the real thing.

So, with no weapon of my own, I kicked him in the face.

All guns dropped. All whoops and ululations ceased as kids evaluated just how much trouble they were in based on proximity to the crying kid in a headband. And then they all scattered, leaving their bawling MIA to slowly cry his way home.

I don’t remember how severely my parents punished me, but I know I took a lot of heat for it. So it goes, though.

NED Talk: What if we got stormtroopers all wrong?

“You shoot the handsome guy!” “No, you!”

We’ve always joked about what terrible shots the stormtroopers in Star Wars are. In all of the original series movies combined, they manage to hit

  • A hallway of rebel soldiers.
  • One surly dirt farmer.
  • His blue milk-slinging wife.
  • The shoulder of one weird advocate for representational government who also has everyone call her princess.
  • One or two Ewoks

So, what gives? Are full-face helmets a bad choice in a gunfight? I refuse to think so.

But, take into consideration that, under stress, some soldiers tend to fire high, above the enemy’s heads. Especially draftees. (There’s no evidence that stormtroopers are drafted, but it’s an awfully big galaxy to police/civil war in, so it’s certainly plausible to assume conscription happens.)

Is it possible that, unwilling to kill farm boys and girls in fabulous up-dos, stormtroopers missed on purpose?

But, you may ask (g’on, I dare ya), what about those examples in the opening paragraph? Exceptions that prove the rule.

The crew of the Tantive IV, Owen, and Beru had the misfortune of running into Vader’s personal troops on a really bad day to intentionally not kill rebels. Vader’s right there, breathing in their ears, and super pissed that he’s on point to save a battle station he doesn’t even care for. Given the narrow space quarters above and guff they most likely took from Owen below, those were kill or be killed situations. Morals don’t apply there. And, as a metaphor for her entire life and marriage, Beru was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Leia’s shoulder on Endor? Probably an accident. Stormtroopers’ shooting is like jazz: you judge it by all the targets they don’t hit.

The couple of Ewoks? Maybe accidents. But you look into those dead yellow eyes and see if you can find a humanity worth preserving.

Dead, lifeless eyes. Like a doll’s.

So, in a way, aren’t the stormtroopers sort of heroes?

And before you answer that, consider how many get indiscriminately mowed down by space wizards, the aristocracy, pirates, and Chuckie dolls wearing teddy bear skins.

Maybe those masks were a bad choice, because nobody even cares when the people behind them are eaten. Even after they laid down their lives rather than shoot Princess Patty Hearst.

Yeah, keep eating and dancing, fly boy.

So, thank you to the men and women of the 501st. May your cod pieces never chafe.